Cheer up

I had some bad news about a friend this morning. She's found out she's got some horrible disease that could mean impending, although without a definite timetable, wheelchairyness followed by dribbling from all orifices concluded with death. I sent a "buck up, old bean, worse things happen at sea" email (I fear I may have been cramming a trifle too much Wodehouse into the old noggin over the last week or so).

I have the choice between writing this entry and reading Orwell's 1984 on the train this morning. Orwell's book is not exactly crammed with hilarious set-pieces. Quotably pithy one-liners, yes, but also soul-crushing misery. Would it have hurt the story at all to have some more jokes? To give Winston Smith a wisecracking sidekick? Or a talking dog (this was supposed to be the future after all)? I don't think so.

Anyway I thought I would write down all the cheery things I thought of but didn't put in my email.

1. We're all going to die anyway. (not on first reading the most cheerful, but think about it for a while, you'll soon have a smile on your face. Suit yourself.)

2. At least it's a non-communicable disease, so people will still talk to you. At least until you start looking a bit weird. Nobody likes a weirdo.

3. There's always someone worse off than you. Find them. Laugh at them.

4. Wheelchair races.

5. Free licence to be as grumpy as fuck to all and sundry. Damn this cursed disease, it makes me say the most awful things, you horse-faced harridan.

6. Perspective. You will realise the pointlessness of most of the little things we do. Like making sure our socks match, wearing ties and getting up in the morning. Go wild, wear mismatched socks.

7. Cripples are a shoe-in for heaven (it's in the bible, go on, check), so you can do all those things you've been holding back from: covetting you neighbour's oxen, questioning the existence of a merciful, benevolent God, etc.

8. You can finally take up smoking, eat fatty foods, smoke crack. It's not like it's going to shorten your lifespan.

What do you think? All cheery thoughts, every one.