Friday, November 18, 2005


Originally uploaded by No Middle Name.
This is what makes Australia great. The things that matter, they do really well. So you have coffee shops that sell hot meat pies for you to enjoy with your skinny latte (so you can feel a bit more butch). They sell dim sim in the fish and chip shops. They worry about biodiversity and saving water, while driving cars the size of small buses. The pinnacle of Australia's greatness, is the Tim Tam.

This small, chocolate-covered biscuit is truly a work of inspired genius. It is, to use Scary's phrase, this: fucking aces.

Some may point out the similarities between a TimTam and the UK's Penguin biscuit, but they clearly have never tasted a TimTam. It takes the penguin round the back and gives it a bloody good hiding.

The chocolatey goodness of the TimTam is fantastic straight out of the packet, but I can hear some of you saying "So what? I can get chocolate biscuits anywhere, anytime. I want something different, something new, something... filthy."

Well, my little perverts, get yourselves a nice hot cup of tea. Bite two, diagonally opposite, corners of your TimTam. Dunk one bitten corner in your tea, and use it as a straw to suck up your tea. When you feel the tea come out of the end, quickly shove the whole thing in your mouth in one go. Now go and change your soiled underwear, because that was the closest thing to sex you are going to get. Especially with the amount of biscuits you eat.

I have heard rumours that it tastes even better if you use Port. One for Christmas, I think.

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