Here we go... the post that signifies I'm about to disappear up my own arsehole.
I've added a little thing to the sidebar from blogpatrol, which counts the (lack of) visitors to the site, and tells me where they came from. It seemed like a good idea at the time, a way to find out about my readers.
What I've mainly found out is that I have none. Which makes sense - I've not told anyone about the blog, so there's no reason for anyone to read it. I didn't start this thing to get readers anyway. It's supposed to be just for me.
So why do I find myself obsessively checking the blogpatrol counter every day? Suddenly I want people to visit my site, whereas before - when I couldn't know anything about visitors - I didn't really care. Which brings up another point: is there any point writing things if no-one ever reads them? It would be very easy for me to neglect this blog, and have it join the thousands of other blogs in Blogger's big blog orphanage - blogs that have about 3 entries, the first one being "I don't know if this has worked properly", the second being "I'm going to write in this every day", and the third being "I know I haven't posted much lately, but that's going to change".
If I had an audience, no matter how small, then there would be an extra pressure on me to provide content for them. But the very fact of having an audience would mean that I would be writing for them, trying to give them what I think they would want, rather than what I want to write.
Listen to me, like I'm some struggling artist in a garret overlooking the Left Bank, desperately trying to stay pure to my art while still having to sketch tourists at Montmartre to pay my absinthe bill. Fuck this. Writing is for nothing if there's nobody to read it. I shall throw open my gates, let the public flood in and prostrate themselves before the altar of my magnificence.
Nobody, huh? Fine. Put the altar of magnificence away, boys. We won't be needing it. I guess it's just you and me. What do you want to read about?